The Tamducken

I feel like an emotional turducken.

Tamducken.

I am thankful for so much in my life, but there are some things that have been causing me so much sadness that I spend more time in tears then with a smile.

The main thing that I am so upset about?  My friends.

I know I am not perfect.  FAR FROM IT.  I am moody and weird and all sorts of other things. But I am a good friend.

I have been there when they were sick.  I have brought meds and soup and crackers. Spent days watching movies while they sniffled and coughed.

I have been there when they needed a place to crash. A ride. A hug. A shoulder to cry on. A partner in crime. A dog sitter. A house sitter. A baby sitter. A drunk sitter.

I have hated ex boyfriends for them.  Cooked up romantic plans to win ex girlfriends with them.

I have worried about them. Laughed with them….and loved all of my friends as if they were family.  And honestly, as someone who does not have a large family….that is what they were to me.  The family that you were not forced to be nice to because you were born into it…but the family that you chose to make a part of your life.

Over the last few months I feel like I have lost all of that. Ok…not all.  I do have some people in my life that still seem to put up with me on a daily basis (LOVE YOU). But a large amount of my friends, the same ones that I did all of the above mentioned things with are just….gone.  And I have no idea why.

Did I do something? Did I hurt someone? Maybe we were not truly friends after all and all that time and energy I put into the friendship was just wasted?  I don’t know.

I have spent the past few months feeling more alone and sad then I ever have in my whole life.  And for someone that is normally happy and smiles…this has been hard to deal with.  All happy on the outside…and sad on the inside…

Tamducken.

To the people in my life that stuck around….you know how much I love you.  To the people that have seemed to fade into a memory, I love you too…because that is what family does.