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Friday, September 27, 2013

Pandora and The Universe

Do you have any weird or quirky superstitions or believe in signs from the universe ?   We all know the common ones about black cats and ladders and things like that, but do you have any that are pretty specific to just you?

I am, by nature, already kinda weird and quirky, so I am sure that I have list an list of these, but I was just reminded of one...

Maybe it's not so much of a superstition, but more of a personal theory...not sure.


I have often said that there are certain songs that are a staple on my personal 'soundtrack to my life'.  There is one song in particular that I love that I have always just had a feeling that when/if it should play when I was around someone that I have a mad crush on, that is all the sign that I need from the universe that the crush is 'the one' and that we will fall madly in love.

So, now that you know is a story for you :)

A while back I was spending the day with a certain someone.  We were just hanging around my house not really doing too much but chatting and listening to music.  The station that I hadon plays the SONG all the time.  ALL THE TIME. Like every time I have this Pandora station on, it plays.  Knowing this, I made a mental note to keep an ear out for the song to come on while I was hanging out with this certain someone.

Hours went by.  A nice afternoon was spent.  The certain someone went home.


Looking back on it, the guy was an ass and that song would have totally been wasted on  him, so....thank you, universe for taking the time to send me a sign!

I know it's silly, but I just KNOW that one day, that song will come on and it will be with the right person around to hear it too.  For now....hmmm.....hope the 30 cats that I am getting ready to buy like it!


Monday, September 9, 2013

Did they just say that?

Years ago, I posted about my hatred for the term, 'hanging out'.  That was later replaced with the super irritating saying, 'hooking up'.  Yesterday, a whole new bundle of craptastic hit my world, 'activly fucking'.


What the hell does that even mean?

**For the sake of not wanting to offend anyone, I will just use AF for the rest of this post. See, I'm nice like that**

I had to give this saying some thought. 

First, f******, is a verb, a doing word,  so I am not sure that actively really needs to placed in front of it.  Shouldn't currently be a better choice?

Second, what happens when you are not 'AF' status?  Do you get switched to not actively f******, or NAF?  How do you even use this in conversation?  "Yeah, at the moment we are not actively f*****, can you pass the salt?"   It sounds like you have been benched or something.  If there were to be a fantasy sex league, would AF or NAF be categories for player???

I am guessing that I will have to post on this subject again later. 


Friday, September 6, 2013

I can't date a guy that thinks bacon comes in a circle

My options for meeting people are limited. 
Day job- Mostly chicks
Mom life - A few single dads, but I try and avoid that
Weekend job - I am not dating some young douche bag club dude who thinks that he is the best thing on the planet **by the way, best thing on this planet title goes to a burger when you are hungover**  Just so you know.

So once again, mostly for laughs, I signed up with an online dating service.
Now...if you have read this blog, YOU KNOW that this has never ended well. EVER. NOT ONCE.  But I am a slow learner and I really don't want to buys cats.. so I did it.

Signed up.  Posted some pics.  Filled out all the questions.  Sat back and waited to see who I was going to have to block due to becoming a stalker....

Waited some more...

Oh 'you are matched with' email is here!!!



So, this is what this round of online dating has taught me.... I HAVE TO LEAVE THE FREAKING COUNTRY TO DATE!

Not too sure how I feel about this one yet.  My plan at the moment is to drink enough that I am going to need that best thing in the world (burger, not club dude) when I wake up in the morning.


Friday, August 30, 2013

Do you see what I see?

If you are in a car, we can see you.  Unless you are in a super tinted vehicle or in the back of a creepy windowless van, we can see you.

The things people can see -

The Picker.
Yes.  THE PICKER.  We have all seen you.  The guy with his figure lodged up in a nostril for the whole commute. Dude!  I am stuck next to you on a tiny freeway.  I want to look at something else. ANYTHING ELSE, but sadly, you are in my line of vision and I am stuck looking at you and wondering if you have reached brain matter yet.  And then I have to wonder, does he have a tissue?  What the hell is he doing with that finger if/when it comes out of his nose? 

The Dancer.
The Dancer is the person who is rocking out THE WHOLE WAY.  I personally love the dancer. I AM THE DANCER!  To all the other Car Dancers out in the world, own that shit!  When you get caught car dancing (and you will.  Remember, we can see you) look back at the person that caught you and smile.  Let them know that you know that they know and just go with it.  The person will probably smile, unless they are dead inside.  I follow this smile up with a mental "You're welcome. Have a great day!"    


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Guys like the socks...

Since I have not gotten any new knee highs in a while, and I don’t want to post the same old photos, I decided to not post any new sock of the day photos for a while.  I got a few “NOOOO” comments and not only did that make me laugh, but it got me thinking….what is it with guys and the socks.  I have female friends who like the socks as well, and I love that they think of me when they see some cool knee highs.  That I understand.  The guys, nope…I don’t get that one (but I am often clueless about sexy things). 

Guys like the socks.   

I will be out and run into friends and they will ask if I have knee highs on (most often, the answer is yes). If I don’t post a photo for a while, I will get a message asking why.  There has even been talk of leaving the socks on in certain private moments (the answer to that one is NO!  I think that’s weird).  The socks have kinda taken on a life of their own.  

Guys like the socks.  But I have no idea why! 

Ok…I can see the whole naught school girl, knee high, short skirt thing. Or even the short shorts, knee high thing that Chrissie was rocking in the 1980’s on Three’s Company.  Those looks can be hot. 

I am not sporting those looks.  Ever! 

Here are some facts about the socks and sock of the day pic…

While it may look like it in some photos, I am not just hanging around my house wearing nothing but knee highs.  Sorry.  I’m just not.  It’s winter. It’s cold and shit. 

On that same note, I am not wearing the socks with short skirts (catholic school girl or otherwise).  Most of the time I am wearing them at work, under respectable work cloths or with jeans and sneakers.  Yup, nothing says sexy like some argyle socks and some Chucks and or Addidas sneakers. To me, this says, I am cold and can’t walk all that well in heels.  Or I am cold, can’t walk well in heels and I am a dork. 

I hate my legs and try and keep them covered at all times.  Socks are great for that. 

My socks are boring.  Truth.   I wear the same type of socks all the time.  Stripes. Argyle. Polka dots.
In the sock world, I am a buttoned up Republican.  

Ok…now that I have moved the curtain and let you take a peek at the great and powerful Oz of  The land of Knee High…do you still find it all that sexy? 

Maybe I should start a something else of the day pic?  Something random like old school scrunchies?

Or maybe I’ll just update my knee highs…..


Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Damn you, NetflixAmazonHuluPlus!

I have been keeping a secret list.  One that I am not proud of.  The numbers on this list are embarrassingly high. 

This list is shameful and I am almost too embarrassed to admit what is on this list to the world (or the 4 people that read my blog).


The list of TV shows that I have completed over the last two months.  And not just a random show here and there…completed the series…ON ALL OF THEM. :hangsheadinshame: 

Not proud.  Even less of a proud moment when I took the time to write the list out (hey, I had to do something while I was sitting at home watching all these shows). 


10 Items or less
Retired at 35
Best Food Ever
Bobs Burgers
I Married a Mobster
Sons of Tucson
Hot In Cleveland
Ink Master
Best Friends Forever
Parks & Rec
The League
Happily Divorced
The Exes
United States of Tara
Melisa & Joe
Jane By Design
Drop Dead Diva
Traffic Light
Friends With Benefits
The Fabulous Beakman Boys
Good Guys
Baby Daddy
How to be a Gentleman
My Boys
Extreme Couponing
Friday Night Lights

Yep…still full of shame.  And it’s not so much the time spent watching these shows, but the shows themselves.  Mellissa and Joey?  REALLY?  ACK.   I can never claim to have any street cred after admitting to that little jem.   

 My one and only defense is that I don’t sleep much.  And yes, I guess I could have been using this time to figure out world peace or find a cure for cancer, but I am pretty sure that those two things can’t be done while wearing flannel jammies.

Hmmm.....what show should I add to that list this week?

Friday, February 15, 2013

Can I buy a monthly pass to ride the sin wagon?

Forgive me Blog Readers, as I have sinned. 

**For the record, I am not Catholic, so that statement is recited purely based on movies that I have seen.  And based on what sort of movie, now I can either have zombies invade my town, a hit man come after me, be a part of a government cover up or fall in love with my best friend who is set to marry my sister.   If I have to pick one....I'd go with the zombie invasion.

Anyway...I feel that I have sinned a whole bunch this week. And while none of my sins are really bad sins or for that matter even listed specifically in the bible, I am sure they could all be tied to something on the list.  You know, the list of all the big, sit in a box with a priest kind of sins. Sloth, gluttony, wearing white after Labor Day.  THE BIG SINS.

So here is my confessions (yes, I did just sing that like Usher) and they are in no particular order.

1) Within the span of 24 hours, I single handily ate a whole FAMILY sized bag of Cheetos.  The.Whole.Thing.  And most of that Cheetos eatin' was done while laying in bed at 3am.  Sloth?  Gluttony? Breaking every Weight Watchers rule known to man?  Yes, yes and I am going with a third yes.

There is a good chance that the color orange with cause uncontrollable vomiting.

2) To go hand in hand with the first sin, we have my supremely unhealthy amount of sloth like laziness this past week.  Pretty much I would just go home, hop in bed and sit in a comfortable Netflix high until 3:30am.  Rinse and repeat for the next day.  Who does that?  My bed is starting to get a permanent indent from my butt.  No one should spend that much time in bed unless they are ill or naked with another person.

3) Spent waaaay too much time thinking about the ex.  I blame the fact that Thursday was Valentines Day and I was feeling all alone and pissed that he dumped me for someone else.  He lied and cheated. I know that is goes against all bible stuff, but I don't want him to be happy... yet. Yeah....this one might fall under the self pity sin.  Hey, not sleeping and having your hands turn a freakish orange color will mess with your head!  I think that this one might not be a sin, but fall under the 'thou shall not covet...' listing.  I'll have to do some google research or ask Siri. 

4) My house. UGH.  While I am not at the Horders or calling child protective services or anything, it's a pit.  One of the things that I hate the most is a dirty house. It bothers me so much that since 9am today, going home and cleaning it has been pretty much the only thing that I have thought about.  WHO THE HELL WANT'S TO CLEAN ON A FRIDAY NIGHT?  Hmmm....maybe I am not a sinner, but mental?  Again, I'll look into that.

5) Pinterest.  Yes, I KNOW that this one is not in the bible. Well, I don't own a bible, so I did not double check, but I am almost 97% sure.  This sin is due to the time suck that it has created in my life.  So many crafts. So many recipes. So many....things that I honestly have no clue how to re create, so I am not even sure why I am looking.  The only good thing that I can say about this one it, at least while I was looking at Pinterest, I was not eating Cheetos. I would hate to get my phone all covered with orange!

So....there you have it.  My list of sins for the last week.  I am not sure what I do next. Not sure if the hail Mary's or whatnot's count in this situation or at all for me, seeing as I am Lutheran.

How about I just vow to step away from the Cheetos?