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Tuesday, January 31, 2012

No need to call 911...I am just dancing!

In a sleep deprived impulsive moment, I signed up to take my first ever dance class.  And since I have a way of never easing into something, I picked a hip hop dance class.  I am guessing that I should have started with something a bit….slower, but too late to change that now.
I am not what one would call a dancer (as I have stated in many blog posts) and I am a bit….challenged when it comes to steps and moving multiple body parts and trying to remember those steps in any order that would resemble a routine.  My brain just does not work that way.  My body violently rejects new movement.  Hell, you have seen the photos….walking is hard enough for me!
But it has been a long time since I have tried something new and even longer since I have worked out and been active, so this seemed like a good idea….at the time.  Now, hmmm….not so much.
In my head I am channeling my inner Jabbawockeez or J Lo, from her Fly Girl days.  But in my heart I know that I will end up looking like Elaine from Seinfeld have a seizure as this is my go to dance mode.

Maybe if I wear the mask, no one will know it is me?

Monday, January 9, 2012

It's you know where your friends with benefits is?

I do....she is at home, pissed off at you...

This blog posting is from an actual phone call that I was a part of last night.  I told my friend that I was “so putting this in my blog” and he laughed and said he was ok with it…as long as I kept his name out of it.  Well, duh! 
All names have been left out to protect the stupid.
Me – It is 1:30 in the morning, if you are calling me, someone had better be dead.  It’s 4:30 your time..OH GOD…IS SOMEONE DEAD?
Stupid – Shut up.  I know you are up.  You never sleep.  I think I messed things up with a friend of mine and I need your opinion.
Me – Who did you sleep with and why can’t you call me about this at a normal time?
Stupid – How did you know I slept with someone?  But yeah, I think I messed up because now she wont talk to me.
Me – Ok. Hit me.  What did you do?
Stupid -  Well, it’s that friend of mine A___, I have told you about her.  We have been friends for years and sometimes hook up. That was a couple of weeks ago.  I got busy.  Ended up going out of town and have not spoken to her.  I called her this weekend and she was short with me.  I think she is mad.
Me -  UGH.  You woke me up for this?  OK…so, you hooked up with her and then did not talk to her for a couple of weeks?  Do I have the facts straight here?
Stupid – Yes
Me – I love you, but you are a dumb ass.  She’s pissed because you slept with her and did not talk to her for weeks.  How did you graduate college?
Stupid – No. It’s not like that.  We have been hooking up on and off for years. She’s totally cool.
Me – She’s a female, correct?  And you are not filming the sequel to any Justin Timberlake film, correct?
Stupid – Huh?
Me – Oh yeah…all females just love it when you sleep with them and then go MIA for weeks.  THEY LOVE THAT.  Seriously….how stupid are you?
Stupid – So, I should have at least sent a txt, huh?
Me – Gee….ya think?
I have said this before….while I do not think that friends with benefits ever really works out that well, it will not work out at all if you leave the friend part out of it after you hook up.  And I do not care who you are…no one likes to feel used.  So take a second and send a quick text  saying hi…anything!  And for the love of god, do not call me at 1:30 in the morning with your undies in a wad because you think you messed up….this girl needs her sleep!
** know who you are....and I still love you!

Friday, January 6, 2012

That pirate made me cry!

There is always this weird parent/child moment when the child figures out that you, as the parent, might just know what you are talking about.
I will admit, that since I have boys, we don’t have a lot of those moments.  I am sure that they have them with their dad as he coaches all of their sports teams and can bond with them over dude stuff.  Stuff like peeing standing up and how to whittle with a swiss army knife.  Things that would just make me messy…and most likely end up in the ER with the tip if my finger missing.
A month or so back, Kellen wanted to try out for the elementary school acting program. OH HOT DAMN…A NON SPORTING ACTIVITY!  I was all over that one!  This was something that I could do!
Truth?  I have only ever acted once, in high school and it was maybe three lines and I have no memory of if I was any good or not.  But, all stage fright aside, I have a bit of a flare for drama and at the very least could teach Kellen to not look at his feet while on stage, annunciate his words so that the audience could hear him…and I might be able to help out with the costumes (Yes, I swear to not cover him in glitter or rhinestone his pirate eye patch).
So after Kellen got into the program, he told me it was going to be a musical.  A PIRATE MUSICAL!  Um, yeah…I had to take a moment to calm my excitement!
Here are some things you should know about me…
            I wanted to be an elementary school music teacher. I love watching little kids sing.
            I grew up singing…non stop.  It was pretty much the only thing I liked to do all through
            I always had a secret dream of being on Broadway.  I HEART MUSICALS!
            We sing…ALL THE TIME at my house.  If I can figure out a way to make some random
            activity  musical, I will.  From singing the Dr. Seuss books to making up random songs while
           we  clean the house.   
At one time, I could sing…a little.  A few bouts of laryngitis and a great fear of ANYONE
 other then my kids hearing me sing has changed that.
If you have heard me karaoke, you know this…and again, I am sorry for making you suffer
through that.

 Anyway, I know a little about singing and while I have not done it in anyway that would be considered good in over a decade, I still remember the scales that breathing techniques.  And since Kellen was worried about being able to hold a rather long note in one of the songs, I started working with him on how to breath.  At the time, he just tolerated me.      

Last night he came home and could not wait to tell me what they had done that afternoon in his drama class.
“MOM!  We worked on breathing….just like you showed me and I already knew how to do it
and I could sing the notes.  It was just like what we worked on at home!  How did you know
what to do?”
“I told you that I had been in choir when I was younger.  You have to learn what notes to sing
and how to hold them.”
“Well, I know you told me that, but I thought it was just more of your…mom stuff.  I did not
know that the teacher would teach us the same thing!”  

I doubt that he will start to listen to me daily or believe everything I tell him to do (still working on a good story to make him be nice to his brother) but that one little moment last night was a nice start.

He even agreed to sing me the first song from the musical and yes, when he was done I had to sneak away to the bathroom as to not let him see me cry…cuz it was just about the sweetest little song that I had ever heard…about a pirate.