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Sunday, December 26, 2010

Can't sleep

I am pretty sure that I wont be getting much sleep tonight.  I am in the middle of a random spell of insomnia. 
Why?  I know why, but not really in the mood to chat about it (and really, the reasons are way not funny, so you don't want to know anyhow).

So since I wont really be sleeping much tonight, I was thinking that I should be productive.  In my head I have an awesome list of things that I could be doing well into the wee hours of daylight, but actually putting this plan into action might be tough.

Pretty sure I will just sit here in bed, with the TV and the laptop being very non productive.  UGH.  HATE THAT.

You would think that if you are going to be up and brain on overdrive, one should at least maybe get a load of laundry done or make lunch for the following day (as when morning does roll around I will be a drooling pile of goo due to the lack of sleep and I am sure that I will forget my breakfast, lunch and almost everything else).

Hmmmm...well...I have killed a few minutes with the blog.  What now?  Maybe I can find a good infomercial on the AbBlaster.  That is some good late night TV!

Please do me a favor--If by some chance you read this and you see me tomorrow, don't mention that I look like death.  Thanks!

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Definition of COVET

transitive verb

1: to wish for earnestly

2: to desire (what belongs to another) inordinately or culpably

intransitive verb

: to feel inordinate desire for what belongs to another

— cov·et·able \-və-tə-bəl\ adjective

— cov·et·er \-tər\ noun

— cov·et·ing·ly \-tiŋ-lē\ adverb

I  covet.  I am a coveter.  It's true.  :sigh:
Every morning I drive to work.  And every morning I see the object of my affection staring at me from a shop window.  I drive by.  I slow down.  I look over.  I see it.  I WANT IT!   I continue my drive to work.
It's silly, this object of my affection that causes me to partake in one of the deadly sins.  Not practical.  I am sure cost more then I want to spend, I see it and I want it more!
What is this that has my heart all a flutter?  Car?  Diamonds? Coach bag? Puppy?
Red and black corset with cute little black bows.
Something tells me that this burlesque class that I will be starting soon is starting to work it's way into my head.  Just the thought of outfits for it make me giggle like a kid on Christmas morning.
One of these days I think that I might have to pull the car over and go in and take a look.  Maybe. 
*Melanie...if you are reading this....yes, you will need lipstick!

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Expiration Date?

I just noticed that my chapstick has an expiration date.  WHY?  Does it really ever go bad?  It's just wax...and maybe something else (I have never claimed to be a scientist).  Does it truly need an expiration date?  Will it do something crazy to my lips if I try and use it on 08/2012 (the EXP date is 07/2012)?  Will I end up looking like Lisa Renna all plumped up and swollen?

                                      *and if this is the case, will it work on my boobs? Much cheaper then a trip to the MD for 
                                                     some augmentation! 

I am intrigued with this whole chapstick expiration thing.  Who knew?  I thought chapstick was like the twinkie of the cosmetics world.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

I'm gonna need some footy jammies.

Two post in one day?

You're welcome!

It hit me today that my kids do not have a Christmas concert or holiday sing or whatever the politically correct are calling it these days.  While my kids are boys...and I really doubt they care at all, I am kinda sad. I loved music class when i was in elementary school.  In fact, until it hit me that I can't play the piano, I wanted to be an elementary school music teacher for a while (yes, I know.  Me being in charge of any youth is really kinda scary).  I loved getting up on the bleachers in a room for a parents that looked less then thrilled to have to spend their Thursday night stuck in a hot smelly gym.  I loved all of the little high pitched voices singing together in as much unison as they could possibly come up with.  I loved it.  ALL OF IT!

One year, maybe 1st grade, we got to wear our jammies to the "big show".  I remember it well....I had on bright yellow Annie footy jammies.  Ya know, the kind that zip all the way up the front.  One one side of the zipper, it was yellow.  The other side had a big ol cartoon picture of Annie.  LOVED THOSE JAMMIES!  That year I got picked to sing one of the three solos in the song that the first graders were performing.  I don't remember the song or much of the night, but I do remember getting up in front of the crowd and singing my little heart out in those yellow jammies.  Ahhhh...good times.

Maybe if I wore some footy jammies out to karaoke I wouldn't have such bad stage fright?  It's a thought!


Once again, the stars and Mr. Levine and I are at odds.  Hmmm...odds seems like a fluffy word when really, I kinda hate this man.  I am sure that he has some sort of training, as I have said before, but it does not stop me from wanting to pelt him with a bag of poo on days like today.

This is what I have in store for my day...


By Rick Levine

You can work yourself up into a state of anxiety today because you have something important to say, yet fear being rejected. You'd rather keep your feelings to yourself than suffer the embarrassment of overstepping someone's boundaries. Unfortunately, developing a relationship, even with a co-worker, may require you to take a risk. Acknowledging your vulnerability is a good first step to a meaningful conversation.

Ok...look...I get it.  I am a Cancer.  We are moody and ever slightly crazy.  Big heart always getting me in trouble.  I am 34...I get that the stars are telling me that I am fucked at this point.  I. GET. IT.

But what is this crap that you have for me today?  Fear rejection?  Um yeah...every day.  Who doesn't? Acknowledging vulnerability? I think not.  I have worked long and hard to build this wall around me and I am happy in my concrete snuggie. Thank you very much.  GAH.  It looks as if the stars have me walking around all weepy and mushy today.!  I wont have any of that.  I am going to change this horoscope and I am going to walk around all tough like and not let anything bother me today. SO TAKE THAT UNIVERSE! HA HA!

*If you need me, I will be over here at my desk trying to find ways to be a hard ass while in truth I am just a mushy cancer lump of vulnerability.  

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

My Bumpa

I am  not sure why, but I found myself thinking about my Grandpa today.  Or Bumpa, as I called him.

He passed away a few years ago, and from time to time happy memories drift into my head of him and all that he brought to my life.

I never knew my dad, and that is ok, because I had my Bumpa.

This is the man that took care of me my whole life.  Taught me how to swim and ride a bike.  Played You Are My Sunshine on his mandolin for me, anytime I asked.  Played Old Maid with me until I was sure he wanted to go nuts.  Would "oil" my Big Wheel Powder Puff for me when it needed "maintenance".

He was a Navy Man, who would not tell me any Navy stories until later in life and my husband (Ex) was around, as stories like that were not for ladies.  He was covered in tattoos, each one faded, but still had a story to tell.  He put salt in his beer.  He mixed the perfect amount of jam and butter together to put on his biscuits and always made mine the same way.

He wasn't perfect, and that is ok because none of us are.  He loved my Grandma will all his heart. He loved the rest of us as well.  He had a soft spot in his heart for my mom, when all of the rest of knew she was a lost cause and had given up on her.  He saw the good in her, that I will assume might be there, but none of the rest of us ever saw.

He walked me down the isle when I got married and that is the only photo from my wedding day that I still have around the house.  He made me feel safe and loved.

He was my Bumpa.    

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

To give or not to give...


To give a gift or to not give a gift...that is the question.  And a question that kinda sucks at this time of year.

At the core of my being..I am a gift giver.  But at this time of year, being a giver can make you look like an ass, when you are really only trying to be nice.  I have a way of making mental notes during the year of random things that people say they are into or want.  IT IS JUST WHAT I DO.  So, when prime gift giving time comes around, I am READY.  The issue of assness comes into play when you give a gift to someone who really had no idea that you were going to play Santa.  You make them feel bad and then in turn you feel bad and that just leads to heavy drinking...and well...just your basic downward spiral of hating the world. And do I really need to hate the world more then I already do?  No.  Probably not.

And on a selfish note--It makes me feel a bit unloved.  While I know that it is always better to give then to get...once in a while it would be nice to get something in return!  BUY A GIRL A COFFEE--I AM NOT PICKY.  Sorry...small vent out of the way...we can all move on now!

Hey is your warning.  If I show up with a gift, just pretend to adore me.  Ok?  Thanks!

**PS....This is high on my list this year (as well as anything else that comes in a lil blue box from Tiffany's or Coach) A girl can dream!
i need a bit of luck for 2011!

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Can I poke you with a Christmas?

It occurred to me last night that I might not be embracing this upcoming holiday with open arms...or a cup full of cheer.  That in fact, I might  be a tad negative and grumpy about the whole thing.  Usually I am pooping candy canes and singing Christmas carols in my sleep..ok...well...not really, but you get the point. 

Last night while at the 15000 trip to the store so that the boys could point out the Wii games that Santa was to drop off at our house on  Christmas morning...I was minding my own business and politely staring off into space when above all the sounds that I was tuning out I heard, "Do you think that this is a good one?  I am worried.  It's our first Christmas together and I JUST HAVE to get a totally great gift!"  Ok...I will full on admit that I honestly had no idea that anyone was standing next to me, let alone having a full on conversation with me.  As I turned my head to see where this sound was coming from, I made the mistake of making eye contact...much like feeding a stray do that and you are never going to get rid of them!

"Um...yeah...that's a good game"   All of my shopping wisdom and at that moment, that was all I could give her?  *shopping guilt set in.
"Really?  Cuz I am just not sure.  I just want to give him a great gift!" All this was said with bright eyes...and I think she even might have hopped up and down for a second (I need to mention that she was young...I am thinking not even old enough to drink yet...and therefore still sweet and didn't hate the world*like me) and she just smiled at me.    It scared me for a moment...the eerie sweet smile of the clueless, but then I sorta kinda felt bad.  Here was this person all happy and filled with Christmas joy and the hope that this would be the best holiday ever with her new man and here I was....pretty much wanting to poke her with a stick.
"That's a good game, but this one might be better. It's just came out last week, so it's a safe bet that he might not have it yet."  I even tried to force a small smile (yeah...not proud...just owning up to it).
"YES!  I remember him saying something about this game...I think we saw it on TV or something.  I am going to get this one! Thank you!"  and then....she did it.... All bright eyed and full of the holiday spirit, she turned around (and in my head it was all slow and dramatic) and she said, "I hope you and your boys have a Merry Christmas!"  and she skipped off into the night to make her purchase and to feed deer in the woods or whatever else people like her do.

UGH. Double UGH.  Fine.  This Ebeneser mood that I am holding on to must be lifted.  I am not sure yet as how to do that and I am certain that if it is to be done...booze will have to be involved.  Either way...I am going to do my best to feel some sort of fricking holiday cheer!