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Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Oh Christmas Tree....

It’s Christmas tree time again.  If you know me, you know that historically this has not gone well.
The Jager Year
This was my first Christmas after the divorce and the first time that I tried to put a tree up solo.  This did not end well.  First off, my tree stand went missing.  As I rushed out to grab a new one (blaming the ex the whole time), I had a feeling that this was the start to a bad afternoon.

Got home and spent HOURS trying to get the stupid thing in the stand and straight.  No luck.  Over and over again I moved that damn tree in that damn stand and in the end, it was as straight as RuPaul.  It was at that point that I broke down in tears and started drinking.  Soon, the tears dried, the Jameson kicked in and I came up with an idea….It was clear that I was not going to win when it came to making a straight tree, so I would embrace it…and leave a bottle of Jager on the porch in the flower pot.  Yes, the flower pot.  I can’t just leave it sitting out…this is not the South…and the home owners association already hates me, so we must hide the Jager.  Anyway….my plan was to have everyone who came over that holiday season take a shot before they came in, that way my tree would not look so bad if my guest had a slight buzz on.  

The Mommy Dearest Year
This was the year that I put my fine parenting skills to use and nearly killed Kellen when the tree fell on him.  To this day I can still hear, “MOM!!!!! ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME??!!??” being screamed out  from under the tree.  Yeah….he might need counseling for that one later in life….I am saving up now.

The Man Friend Year
I wised up this year.  Had a friend help.  And this really was a good choice as this was the year that I got it in my head that we would go out and chop a tree down.  Hmmm…..looking back on it, I am pretty sure that me and a saw should never come in contact.  I do have to say that while we were all set to cut down the tree ourselves with that little janky hand saw that they give you at the tree farm…I was thankful when the lady walked pasted me with a chain saw and asked if she could cut it for us.  Yes….YES YOU CAN!
The tree came down and I managed to get it home, in the stand, straight and did not harm anyone.  THAT WAS A GOOD YEAR! 

This year?   UM?   There will be no Jager (at least not for me) and Kellen has told me that there is no way in hell that he is helping me and sadly, I do not have a man friend.   SO WHO THE HELL KNOWS WHAT WILL HAPPEN.

Pretty sure that this will be the Christmas Vacation year and some random rodent will jump out and try and kill me followed by bursting into flames…ya know….maybe.  

Wednesday, November 23, 2011


I was reading a funny little story the other day that was written by someone who was remembering what it was like to go and celebrate Thanksgiving with this significant other for the first time.  The story was about the food part of Thanksgiving and how they were missing soul food (he was black, his partner was white).  If I was not brain dead and could remember where I read this, I would post it here, but I can’t seem to remember what I just ate 20 min ago…so you will just have to take my word on it.  It was a funny story.  I laughed.
It also got me to thinking about what my family always served for holiday meals and how this might differ from those around me.
To me, we had the normal stuff…
Mashed potatoes
Green beans with bacon
Steamed carrots
Pumpkin pie
I am sure that I am forgetting something and some years I am sure that other things showed up on the table, but for the most part…that was always what we had. All pretty normal, basic items. 
When I got married and traveled to Texas for the holidays with the Ex, for the most part it was still the same grouping of foods.  They added some twice baked potatoes and maybe some green bean casserole (or maybe not.  I find that stuff slimy and gross…so if I ate it, I think that I blocked it out) and at New Years added black eye peas for luck (a tradition that I have kept up with).
I can’t ever remember any items that we had that everyone just hated, but we had to make or Great Uncle So and So would pitch a fit…or anything that was special to our family in some way.
So….what dishes show up on your holiday table that your family only makes ones a year , that you can’t live without or that you think is so strange that you are sure you are the only family to serve it????

The Tamducken

I feel like an emotional turducken.
I am thankful for so much in my life, but there are some things that have been causing me so much sadness that I spend more time in tears then with a smile.
The main thing that I am so upset about?  My friends.
I know I am not perfect.  FAR FROM IT.  I am moody and weird and all sorts of other things. But I am a good friend.
I have been there when they were sick.  I have brought meds and soup and crackers. Spent days watching movies while they sniffled and coughed.
I have been there when they needed a place to crash. A ride. A hug. A shoulder to cry on. A partner in crime. A dog sitter. A house sitter. A baby sitter. A drunk sitter.
I have hated ex boyfriends for them.  Cooked up romantic plans to win ex girlfriends with them.
I have worried about them. Laughed with them….and loved all of my friends as if they were family.  And honestly, as someone who does not have a large family….that is what they were to me.  The family that you were not forced to be nice to because you were born into it…but the family that you chose to make a part of your life.
Over the last few months I feel like I have lost all of that. Ok…not all.  I do have some people in my life that still seem to put up with me on a daily basis (LOVE YOU). But a large amount of my friends, the same ones that I did all of the above mentioned things with are just….gone.  And I have no idea why.
Did I do something? Did I hurt someone? Maybe we were not truly friends after all and all that time and energy I put into the friendship was just wasted?  I don’t know.
I have spent the past few months feeling more alone and sad then I ever have in my whole life.  And for someone that is normally happy and smiles…this has been hard to deal with.  All happy on the outside…and sad on the inside…

To the people in my life that stuck around….you know how much I love you.  To the people that have seemed to fade into a memory, I love you too…because that is what family does.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

I think I have a ice cream hangover...

I was watching a chick movie last nigh (while eating unhealthy amounts of ice cream) and was reminded of something that I wrote a long time ago, but I still find it to be true today....

I believe in the power of a great kiss.

It has the ability to make your stomach drop, your heart race and your spine tingle.
And a kiss, done right, will have the power to make you blush, just by thinking of it, years after it has happened. 

A great kiss, one worthy of remembering, will make you feel as if your heart has stopped, you can no longer breath and your body is no longer under your control. 

One simple kiss can be the start of so many things.

A kiss backed by passion will take over your whole body. Cheeks flush, knees weekend, heart pounding.

This kiss, starts with the lips, but it's power and passion will spread causing all parts of the body to come alive with desire.

Eyes locked. Gentle tilting of the head.  Feeling the breath of the one that is about to kiss you.

The point, just before the kiss, when it takes your breath away.

While it would be unfortunate to never have the chance to be intimate with the one you love again...

To never have the chance to kiss them again would be cruel.

I believe in the power of a great kiss.