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Friday, April 29, 2011

Would they need to sign a release form?

I was sewing Tribbles and watching TV last night when I saw a commercial for  We have all seen it.  It was the one where they follow two people on a "real date" and film them all giggly and stuff.  Ya know, THAT one.

So that got me to thinking...I could do that!
No, not the random giggle and date crap, but the filming part of it.
We all know that if I were to start dating again and use a website to do it, I would blog about that shit like crazy, so why not secretly film it and post that comedy gold on youtube or something and have a dating web blog.  I think that it would be hilarious!

Would I find a boyfriend?  I doubt it.  Safe to say, that will never happen.  But, think of how much fun that would be to set up dates, maybe plan for odd locations and have someone film it.

I am sure that this probably has been done already and there are lots of 'kinks' that I would have to work out, but I think it would be a fun little project.

Ok...I just need someone to hide in the bushes with a video camera....  

Thursday, April 28, 2011

The power of a smile...and glitter

Last night ended up being one of those random Wed nights when I think that my night is going to go one way, but it ends up going in a complete different problem.

So after some food (just food as I am not drinking and could be why I was so deep in thought later on in the night and in this blog post) and chatting with some friends, we made our way to a strip club.

This is not the first time that my Wed nights have ended up at a location like this, but it has been a LONG TIME.  And the first time that I have been to one since participating in the burlesque class.

And  I mention this because when I was talking the class and talking about it, people who were not familiar with burlesque would always say, "Isn't that just stripping?"  And I would always say no, and explain to them why it was nothing like stripping.

Ok...well, maybe nothing like stripping is not 100% accurate.  They are closely related and I can see how strippers go into burlesque and burlesque performers go into stripping.  I can.  Trust me.  And there is nothing wrong with that.  If you can get up on a tiny little stage in nothing but plastic death stilts and make some money, well, more power to ya!

But...while my sober self sat at the club the statement, "Isn't that just like stripping" played over in my head and it started to make me a bit angry and a touch sad.

As I looked around at the girls dressed only in leg warmers and a blank stare, it hit me what the real difference was between the

Yes, there was no glitter, no costume that was worked on for hours, no gloves and not a strand of hot rollered hair.  All of that was missing, but there was not one expression of happiness on any of the faces that I saw.

Have you been to a burlesque show? Take away all the rhinestones and fake eye lashes.  Remove the boas and fans. Tall, short, skinny or round.  Every single performer that I have ever seen always has the same prop...her smile.  The act could be funny or dark, it does not matter.  At some point she is going to look out in that audience and she is going to make all of those watching feel like she is smiling at them and that she is happy to have them there.

And I am not Pollyanna.  I know that stripping in a club is a way of making money.  It's cold and dark and can be filled with many more negatives then positives.  I know that the worlds are not the same. Trust me.

But there really is just so much more to burlesque then just getting out of clothes.

So the next time someone asks me, "Isn't that just like stripping?"  I am going to look them in the eye, give them the biggest and best smile that I have and happily explain the difference....with joy.           

Wednesday, April 27, 2011

I would rather go to Detroit...

I was just reading a travel magazine (cuz a poor girl can at least dream about getting out of town) and they had an article about fun girlfriend get away spots.

I have always found this idea fascinating as I always seem to have more male friends and I have vacationed with them, but never with my girlfriends (note to self: need to make more female friends).  The article had all the typical places listed Vegas, Mexico, Hawaii, Dollywood and NYC.

WAIT...BACK UP...DOLLYWOOD?  As in the theme park up in the back hills of Virgina or some location that I would never go to in a million years????  Is that place still even open?  Is it next to Deliverance World?


To my female friends that I know read this blog ( Statler) and to the new friends that I hope to meet and maybe vacation with one day....if you ever suggest that we take a vacation to Dollywood I am ending our friendship, right after I smack some sense into you while booking our trip to Vegas.

Cuz I would much rather hear the slots in the back round then that weird creepy banjo music and to be honest...Dolly scares the hell out of me!

Tuesday, April 26, 2011

A house might land on me today...

I woke up in the worst mood ever.  Like so bad that I did not even stop for coffee as I had a feeling that some idiot in line in front of me would set me off for ordering too slowly.
That kind of bad mood.
Odd as I did not have anything happen to me and for once I actually got some sleep.

It is going to be a long day.  I am pretty sure that nothing is going to snap me out of this today so I should just keep my head down and stay away from people.

I really do not want end up on the news later for shanking a co- worker with a Sharpie...

Monday, April 25, 2011


I miss people.

Well, not ALL people, but on the rare occasion when I have to end a friendship or cut someone out of my life, I miss them.  I wish I could be all bad ass and hard about it and say that I don't, but I do.

It's at that point when I start to wonder if they ever miss me too? 
Doubt it.

I am guessing that at that point, the other person is just happy to have me gone and I am (at times) a pain in the ass.

But it would be nice to think that maybe I am miss a little.

Just saying :)

I should come with instructions...

Someone once told me that they were trying to figure me out by reading my blog.  At the time I thought that was a silly statement, but after giving it some thought, it seems that statement is just stupid. 
It's a blog.
It could be all lies.

Well, not all lies as I don't work that way, but you can see how it could be.
The stuff that I blog about does happen to me.  Everything that I post is a part of my life. I am painfully honest and while not an open person by nature, the blog is used to vent and get stuff out into the open that if left just in my head, would probably drive me crazy.

But I still don't think that this a good way to get to figure me out. I think that can only be done face to face and possibly while enjoying an adult beverage or two.

But if you can't make it for the at drink and ever have any questions about me, just ask.   

Thursday, April 21, 2011

Public Service Announcement

Girls--If you are out and you are drunk, please, for the love of god, DO NOT start licking the mustard bottle.  Even worse?  After licking the outside (YOU DO NOT KNOW WHO HAS TOUCHED THAT--JUST SAYING) you go on to actually EATING the mustard.  But not on anything.  Oh just start dumping it in your mouth.

GIRL--THAT IS NASTY.  There was a whole basket of tots in front of you.  If your skinny drunk ass is THAT hungry-EAT THE TOTS!

Oh....and that evil nasty glare you gave me when I snatched your keys out of your hand?  Yeah, I know that was really meant to say, 'Thank you for not letting my sorry ass get pulled over by Mr. Police Man. Thank you Tamara!' 

**and yes, I do have photos**  :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Oh, Statler and Kenny Rodgers- I LOVE you!

I have this friend, we will call her Statler.
Statler has this amazing ability that when she has made her mind up to do something, she does it.  No messing around.  She does it (whatever IT might be) 100% and never gives in.

This girl has the willpower of a monk.  She once gave up carbs for like...FOREVER.  Me?  I even think about doing that and within an hour I have eaten a whole chocolate cake.  (Don't judge. I eat my emotions).

What I admire most about Statler is her ability to cut negative people out of her life, and stick with it.
She is always telling me, "DELETE the number!.  Just do it!"
Me: "NO :winmpercry: I CAAAANNNNNN'T"
I am weak.  I have no clue how she does this. 
You know that Lady Antebellum song, the need you now one?  It does not even have to be me drunk at a quarter after one.  More then likely, it's like noon on a Tuesday and my sober ass is wanting to pick up the phone.  Statler would never do this!

I guess I am just an emotionally attached person.  And that is not to say that Statler is not.  She is (SHUT UP-you are!) and she has a huge heart, but she just *knows* when to shut the door on a not good situation.  She is like fucking Kenny Rodgers! She knows when to hold em, when to fold em and knows when to walk away.
So today (most days actually) Statter, I tip my ten gallon cowboy hat to you.  You are my self preservation idol.  LOVE YOU!     

Tuesday, April 19, 2011

Hey, Sad Tamara, GO AWAY!!!!!

UGH...this blog has turned into a place where I go to have my own little pity party.

I'll tell you how...

I forgot how to be me.  I let the crap that has been going on around me get into my head and change how I see things.

The world as I see it (ya know, the title of this blog) is usually seen though laughter and yes, some tears, but not the nasty sobbing ugly tears that have taken over my life!

Screw that!

So all the moms shun me.  So the other soccer coach wont even look at me.  So I am going to die single and alone.  So I failed at the burlesque thing.

So what!  At least I tried all of those things (well, not the moms...I thought about it and the Nooker can keep them.  Truth is, that group scares me!) and have some stories to tell about it.

And honestly, I have funny stories to tell about all of those things.  Stories that make people smile, even if it is at my pain, they still smile.

It has been way too long since anyone told me I was funny and make them laugh.

That is not the me that I want to be. 

Is everything perfect in my life? No, but is it ever for anyone?  Am I still heartbroken over the death of a resent friendship? Yes, but that is what makes me human.

I enjoy who I have turned out to be even if no one else knows what to do with me.

I AM BACK!!!!!


Monday, April 18, 2011

Random weekend fun

When Friday rolled around last week, I was bummed.  I really wanted to be a part of the Rosehip Review with a group of my burlesque sisters.  I had planned to be a part of this and then I got the news that Forrest's Grandfather had passed (I loved that old guy! He was the only person in the family that ever liked me.  Pretty sure it was due to the fact that we snuck him out of his old folks home and took him to drink gin martinis the first time I was in Dallas) and he needed me to take the boys on Friday night.  How can I say no to helping out my ex when there is a death?  Yeah...I can't.  So I spent Wed-Friday all bummed that I was missing it. And even more on Sat morning after reading all the great Facebook posts. SADFACE

But then I ended up having the most random and enjoyable weekend.
The following list is a mix of the random and enjoyable.

Hung out with the ex, his wife and his family for a bit at the Buffalo Gap
Got hit on by random odd (so not my type) single dad at the school carnival
Got a dog
Made my kids super happy
Helped out an elderly woman in need
Trip to Spartacus
Sewed Tribbles
Timbers game

See....for the most part, none of those things were really on my agenda for the weekend and I am sure that many other things really should have taken their place and I am sure that I should have been more productive or something, but in the end, I had a pretty good weekend.  I love when the random works out in a good way and not in a I am going to cry myself to sleep sort of way.

I am still upset that I missed the show on Friday night, but there might be other shows.

How was your weekend?  

Friday, April 15, 2011

Who needs enemies?

Conversation I had with a friend last night-

Friend: You need to go back on a dating website.
Me: WTH??? WHY?
Friend: Because your blog posts about dating and all the crazy things that happened to you were hilarious!
Me: So let me get this straight.  You want me to go through hell again just so I can make you laugh?
Friend: Pretty much, yeah.


Do I pick E Harmony or Match???? 

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Did she just write 'tribble dress'? Oh yes...she did!

I have a list of things that I am going to get done within the next month *I swear*

Finish cleaning the stupid garage - I can not tell you how much I hate this area of my house.  It is just wasted space and I have enough of that with the men I've been dating...I certainly do not need it in my house!

Plant a garden - Yeah...I think I have said that every year since I bought my house, but this is so the year.  I can feel it!!!  I just have to learn how to actually garden and Iwill join the ranks of co-workers that come into the office day after day trying to unload zucchinis that are the size of a small child.

Fix my BBQ - Cuz me, playing with a gas line sounds like loads of fun, don't you think?

Tribble dress - Don't ask.  Just trust.

Get new glasses - I hate the eye doctor.  I would rather go to the dentist and I hate that too, but I am all squinty and I am starting to look like Gilbert Godfry. No man wants to date that!

Last on my list - Karaoke.  Yes...I know...stupid, but I am almost 30 and I have still not done it. IT'S TIME BABY....I see some horrible Pina Coloda Song in my future.

Good god....I have to maybe think about getting a life blog posts are boring!         

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

It just happy

Not sure what is going on with me over the past few months, but as you can tell from  reading this blog, I have been struggling to find where I fit in. 

As I was driving into work this morning, a question snuck into my head...

Shouldn't I be happy just being the soccer mom?

It's not a bad thing.  And it works well for millions of women around the world.  I see them on the sidelines of all the sporting events that my kids go to.  They look happy chatting amongst themselves about the daily ins and outs of the PTA and whatnot.  It looks like it works for them.  They plan their bunco nights and talk about their husbands are doing at coaching.  Ok...let me just say that I really don't know what they are talking about as they don't talk to me, but I can assume this would be the topic of conversation.
It just happy.

They are not leaving at half time to go and set up for roller derby.  They are not attempting to be an assistant football coach with stray glitter on their faces left over from the night before and dressing like a super hero.
When the game is done, they say their good byes, plan play dates and hop in their SUV's with husbands and go do yard work or what ever it is that happy little families do.
It just happy.

So, the question is still there...  
Shouldn't I be happy just being the soccer mom?

Should I give up on trying new things and meeting as many different groups of people as I can and try and join the soccer mom set?  Something tells me this will be harder then dancing around with pasties on stage.  As I have said before, they have already made the nooker choice, so breaking into that group might be tougher then one would ever imagine. 

Should I give up on volunteering with the derby?  Should I say good bye to trying out burlesque? Should I find a bunco group to join?

Should I try and be just a soccer mom?


Friday, April 8, 2011

It's new music day!!!!

You might not know this about me, but I have ADD. I am totally scattered and easily distracted by anything shiny.  Add to that the fact that my mind never shuts off.  NEVER.  Pretty sure that is why I don't sleep much.  I am always thinking or worrying about something.  I think that is part of what makes me a good friend.  I am always in constant thought about...well...anything.

The only time that I can get my mind to even slightly slow down to a normal pace so that I can focus is with music.  You know the saying - music sooths the savage beast?  Well, my brain is like the beast.
When I am at work and I know that I need to get a project taken care of, I pop in my earbuds, hit play on the Touch and do not turn it off for the next 8-10 hours. 

It's the same for working out.  I know that most people need music to keep them going or pumped up enough to work out, but I need it to stay on the treadmill for more then 9 seconds.  I get bored.

And since I do get bored, I get bored with music as well.  I have a large collection of songs and they run from mainstream to WTF is THAT?  I like it all.  But I adore new music. LOVE IT.
I love hunting out an artist that I did not currently have in my collection.  I am not going to say that I am the first person to ever download this person or anything, but they are new to me and I love it!
It's like finding a great pair of shoes...on sale.  Total happybuttwiggledance!

How do I do this?  I take one day/afternoon/evening...some chunk of time...once every month or so and I hunt.  I dig though websites and Itunes.  I think that I am on the mailing list for almost every indi/music label website out in the world. I sit with my magazines (yes, the paper kind, that come in the mail) like Rolling Stone and I READ about new music.  It's a strange process, I know, but it works for me.

It's been a while since I have done this, so I think that today is a good day for that.  My mind is starting to wonder a bit too much...even with the music on and THAT is never a good thing. could explain to some of you why you get random txt from me about something odd completely out of nowhere!  

Thursday, April 7, 2011


This week has been a rough one for me.

I really can not put into words how I have been feeling over the past few days.
I think it really all started on Sunday at the flag football game and just went down hill from there.
Major funk.

Work has been shitty.  There is some crap going on here that I just can not deal with at the moment.  I am good at my job and I love it, but...there have been times this week when I have wanted to scream.  Head down.  Music on.  Just avoid the drama!

Personal life has been a downer as well.  I guess the whole 'not feeling like I fit in' to any one group thing has really gotten to me a lot more then  I thought it had.  As much as I say I hate people, it would seem that I don't and I really want to have people around me all the time.  Not sure when that happened, but it has and I guess now I just have to deal with it.  It's official-I like people.

It also hit me yesterday that I should not continue with burlesque.  I do love it.  REALLY REALLY love it, but I am just not that good at it.  And in a town with such amazing performers, I do not want to put out any second rate act.  I was reading an article yesterday about the class I took, our performance and some of the girls that were in our recital.  At that moment I felt such pride for being a part of it and great sadness due to the realization that I am just not that good. :heavysigh:

So what should I do now?  I am not sure.
I think that I will be mellow for a while, stay home and avoid the world.
I feel about myself like I feel about a performance and I don't want to put a second rate Tamara out in the world.

Bring on the Netflix, jammies and comfort food....this girl is saying good bye to being social for a long time.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

Hey there, D Bag...

As a parent, there are a lot of things that I teach my kids.

Say please and thank you.
Look someone in the eye when speaking to them.
Wash your hands after going to the bathroom.
Don't let people see you picking your nose.
Treat people like you would want to be treated.

The last one is a big one for me. 

I often get told that I am too nice.  That sounds like such a negative.  Have I been nice to people when I should have smacked them?  YES!  Am I nice to certain people that really need to be told to fuck off? YES!

Why?  Because I am sure there has been times when I have been the one that should have been smacked but instead, someone was nice to me.

Treat others like you want to be treated.  It's simple.  You should try it.
And life is just too short to walk around being a douche bag (although I know that some of you just can't help it).  

Oh....but never assume that I am stupid or I am going to let you walk all over me. I will shank a bitch, but I will smile while I am doing it :)

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Do you have a flag?

My first Sunday as the Assistant Coach to the Black Knights did not really go as I would have liked it to.

In my head, I was ready to not really know what was going on, but I had read my flag football handbook and I was ready to try my best.

Then I got coach blocked (the flag football version of the cock block).

I got to the field early, as is my way, and I checked in.  I was told by the guy that runs the league that the other assistant coach was already on the field with some of the players and told me where to go.
Other assistant coach?  That was news to me as when I spoke with the head coach on Thursday, it was just the two of us.
Oh well...the more the merrier!

Got to the was a dad that I had some previous contact with as he had coached my son's soccer last year and his son was in Coop's class.  I walked up (dressed in my red coach t-shirt, so he has to acknowledge me) introduce myself and let him know that I am here to help. far so good.

We gather the kids, the head coach is not there yet, but we are going to work on receiving and running with the ball.  Even I can had a kid a ball...
Then I coach blocked.
The other assistant coach turned to a dad that was standing on the side "Hey, that's your son, right?  Yes?  Ok, what's your name?  Ok, you take one group of kids and I will take the other and we will work on them grabbing the ball"
Um...hey...heeeelllllooooooooo.........I am the other assistant coach. Ok...never mind...i'll just stand here I guess.

The head coach got there and I helped him with the other set of kids and work on some drills.  All went well.  He may not know what the hell to do with me, but at least he spoke to me and let me help.

The game went well.  The other assistant coach and the head coach worked with the kids on the field and  I made sure the boys on the bench stayed somewhat focused on the game. It would have been nice to be out on the field and pick some plays....but I do understand that I am not as 'skilled' in the flag football world. 

The other moms did not talk to me, but I am used to that.  They all sit and talk to Christina (step mom).  Well, one mom came up and spoke to me after the game, but her kid does not go to the same school, so she is not aware that she is not supposed to talk to me.  It goes against that 'we can't be nice to both the mom and step mom' thing that the moms at school seem to have down to a science.  I give her two more games and she will be hip to the sideline game plan :heavysigh:

After the game, the other assistant coach wanted to talk to the head coach, I was standing there, so I thought that I should be in on the chat as well.  Ya about the plays and what not.  The head coach did his best to get me involved while the other coach would not even look at me. Hmmm....if I would have known that would have been the case, I would have slept in and skipped the shower this morning!  The other assistant coach went on to say to the head coach that they should meet for for beers to go over the plays.  No.  I was not included on that invite.

I really just wanted to help out in something that my kids were involved in.  Due to my work schedule I can' t be in the class as often as their step mom is and Forrest and Christina have held a monopoly on coaching soccer and basketball for the last few years.  So...this was my first shot and I was really looking forward to it.  I knew that the mom crowd would be that way, but since I wasn't going to be on the sidelines with them, I was not all that worried about it, but to have one of the other coaches snub me, well....I was not really ready for that.

As I walked to the car, shoulders slumped, head low...I just felt defeated.  I felt embarrassed for even offering to volunteer and be involved.  I wanted to cry, but refuse to give into my emotions in front of my boys.

Guess I can just be the full time snack mom for the team.  But I am keeping the coach's t-shirt.