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Thursday, July 22, 2010

Fuzzy little beast must die

I am the victim of a home invasion. I feel violated and afraid to sleep alone at night (no that is not a call for you men to come sleep with me).

*****I have a rodent of some sort that has decided to take up residency in my home*****

From the sounds of it—it is a beaver or a baby sasquatch…I am not sure yet as I have not made eye contact with the furry little unwanted squatter.

After a long day at work and a drink out with a friend, I got home late. I had to be at work at 5am this morning, so all I wanted to do was get in bed and crash. Then I heard some odd sounds. I thought at first that it was outside. Nope. Like a horror movie, the sound was IN MY HOUSE ***start scary music here***

I thought that maybe it was just in the attic and could not get to me there, but then the sound started moving around the house and I could hear baby sasquatch chewing on things. OH HELL NO!

So I did what any 34 year old women would do at 3am….grabbed an orange T-ball bat and when looking for the thing! In my pink jammies, I tiptoed around the house. Not sure why as I had no clue of what the hell I was going to do with the thing if I found it. Club it to death? First off…it was a T-ball bat! I would have to get way too close for my comfort to attach the thing with that. And second….what it if went all crazy on my ass and just like the squirrel in Christmas Vacation, attached it’s self to me? What the fuck would I do then???

Um yeah…I will tell you what I would do. Run my pink jammied wearing self screaming like a banshee out in the middle of the street as if my house was on fire. Scream some more. Assume that I was going to die of rabies and probably have to move. Just saying.

At some point I fell asleep. All the lights on. Sitting up in my bed keeping watch. I did hear the thing this morning. It sounded like it was in the fireplace, but after only two hours sleep and needing to get to work…I did not have the energy to grab my bat and play piƱata with whatever it was.

I am thinking tonight that I will dress in all black and go ninja on his ass. Maybe.  But I doubt it.  I have an image in my head of it jumping out at me.  Attaching to my head and face and me running out in the front yard looking like a fucked up Davy Crockett.  OH SURE--YOU LAUGH NOW, BUT YOU KNOW THIS WOULD HAPPEN TO ME!

Monday, July 19, 2010

Waldorf and Statler Summer Music Tour Part One

My original plan for this summer was music, music, music and more music. So much music that I had a name for it – The Waldorf and Statler Summer Music Tour. I am sure you have a few questions at this point, so let me take a moment to break it all down for you:

Waldorf and Statler – The two grumpy old dues from the Muppet Show. Also the name

that my best friend and I use to describe how we are when we are together.

My best friend was going to be home this summer from NYC (where she has lived for far

too long) and she was going to travel with me (oh…BTW…I am Waldorf in this whole

thing…if it matters to anyone) and we were going to hit up local dives to hear local craptastic groups.


And like most of my crazy, dreamt up late at night plans…it never happened.

Due to (god hating me) circumstances beyond Statlers control, she was unable to move back home as planned, and had to push that back a few months. Also (after much crying on my end) there might be a trip planned out to see her…so really…it will all work out in the end.

So I decided that this summer of music would just have to go on without my trusty partner in crime and this weekend was the kickoff to The Waldorf and Statler Summer Music Tour….well…sorta as it was just me, but I think you get that by now.

I started off the tour with a trip out to the Edgefield to see The Avett Brothers. And while I am known for being a bit of a smart ass and critical…I have not one negative comment to say about this show or this band. Yes, I know…hell just might have frozen, but really…THEY WERE THAT GREAT! I will admit to being a new fan of the band and not knowing some of the older songs that they did, but that was not really much of an issue as even the songs that I did not know where awesome and they KILLED IT! The band had high energy from start to finish and had the whole crown on their feet for the whole show (the show was outside and it was hot, so that is saying something!)

If I had never heard one of their songs, I would have been a huge fan after seeing the show..that is how good it was!

The second stop on the tour was immediately following The Avett Brothers show, but at a different location. This gig took us (and not us as in W&S, but I dragged a derby friend along with me. Poor girl didn’t have a choice really as I was driving!) to NW Portland and a lil bar called Slabtown. Now, I will admit to being a fan of the dive bar, but this was not a place that I had ever been to and if it weren’t for the fact that my friend was playing in the band, I don’t think that I would have EVER gone to. But…location is really not the point of this. The band was the point and that is what I am getting to.

The band was The Madison Concrete and simply put—THEY WERE AWESOME. True…I know the lead singer, so I went into the show knowing that it would be good, but after watching them and seeing how the crowd reacted to them, it was honestly just a great show. The music is a rocking/soul kind of thing with some covers that we all know and love, but by no means was this a mellow show. The band was moving and working just as hard as the crowd. A good sweaty time was had by all and I will make sure to add them to more tour stops!

Tuesday, July 13, 2010


This is what I got out of the stars today…


By Rick Levine

Even if you are comfortable in the illogical realms of feelings, it's hard to let go of your prejudices today. Your values can stand in the way of your success if you aren't willing to reconsider your position. But a discussion will only take you so far now that actions speak louder than words. Don't go rambling on about unimportant facts; instead, find a way to express yourself through a gesture of appreciation that doesn't require any words at all.

While I am sure that Mr. Levine knows all that he can about the stars and crap, I just don’t get it.

What I really need is for the person writing my horoscope to break it down something like this-


Today is going to fucking suck. No matter what, do not get out of bed. If you do, bad things will happen. As I cannot see all of your chart, I will just assume that horrible dismemberment is involved, so trust me. I am a professional star reader and in my professional opinion, your day is fucked.

See….if they could just break it down for me like that, then I know what I am dealing with.