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Sunday, October 31, 2010

A good time had by all...I think.

I will admit that about two hours before the party on Friday, I wanted to call it off.  I had had a crappy afternoon, my car was in the shop and I thought that the party would suck.

I am so happy that I did not go with out my first freak out and call it off as I ended up having a great time, and I hope that everyone else did as well.

We had food and drink.  Music and dancing.  Laughter and smiles.  AND LOTS OF JELLO SHOTS!

Yes....I think that it was a good time had by all and I can't wait for the next time I get to host a party.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

The fear of public ruffle butt viewing.

Through some clever snooping and high level investigation (ok, I am just a friend on the facebook page) I have found out that the local burlesque school will be starting classes soon.

As we all know, my burlesque career was short lived-and by that I mean, never happened at all, but I have always wanted it to.  So with this little bit of new information, I am rather geeked up.

Or I was rather geeked up until I saw what my ass looked like in a pair of ruffle butt panties last night.  FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!  With the combo of the MD telling me that I could not work out and the vat of Halloween candy that I have been consuming the past few weeks-I am pretty sure that I would only be good at burlesque if I performed for blind people.  ACK!  Not ok.

So today I have vowed to get back on my workout kick and do my best to eat healthy and get rid of 15 pounds before I do the unthinkable and tape on some pasties.  Well, that is unless a group of blind people call and request a burlesque show sometime soon and hell--I say bring on candy!

PS-This butt is clearly my butt double-or inspiration.     

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

Random about friendship

A random that has been floating around my head for years...

I've seen you laugh and lord knows I've seen you cry
I've seen your good days and I've seen you when you've let your fortune slip by
And whether you're down on your knees or rising in praise
I will be with you for all of your days

I know life's hard and you know I've been down too
but I wouldn't have made it back up without a little help from you
You've held my hand and wiped away my tears
We've laughed about the good times you chased away my fears  

Monday, October 25, 2010

Dear John Hughes...

You have forever messed up my dating life.  No.  Really.  It's true.

Yeah--so I know that he has passed away and everything, but if I were to ever write him a letter, that is how I would start it. 

And like I previously stated--it's true.

This week I spent a random night watching The Breakfast Club and that led to a random weekend of other 1980's classics that I have not seen in a minute.  Sixteen Candles, Say Anything, Pretty in Pink.  *Don't judge--I had a bit of free movie watching time this weekend while I set up the house for Halloween*

Anyway--after watching all of these movies, I was once again reminded that I am a true-hopeless-romantic and that the only person that I have to blame for this is John Hughes.

So to you Mr. Hughes, all I have to say is--bite me.
*and I may or may not have some Peter Gabriel playing on my Ipod as I write this*  

Thursday, October 21, 2010

Things I will pay good money for.

While at my most favorite Wednesday night watering hole last night, I had a conversation about random crap you can pick up at the dollar store.  Don't get me wrong, when I need something shitty that I don't want to pay over $1.01 for...this is where I will go, but there are just some things that I think you should spend some money on.

Pregnancy test - This is kind of a big deal. If you have ever had to rush out, pick one up and sit and wait for the little hieroglyphic to show up in the know how big of a deal it is!  I just don't trust any somewhat medical test that I am picking up at the dollar store.  God only knows what the little window reads with the dollar store test!  My personal fave--instead of a + or - I really think that it would read "you're fucked" or "your slutty ass got lucky. Next time use a condom". Or maybe "Time to figure out who the baby daddy is"  Ya know...some classy line like that.

Meat products - Of ANY kind...just don't do it.  Who the hell knows what they are schlepping off as food at the dollar store????   I have a theory that it is really some sort of chemically engineered meat that the government is trying to put out to the people to see how it effects them.  Ok--so I don't have any proof of this.  It really could be the fact that I watched some SyFy movie the other night and that was kinda the plot.  Either way--I am going to pass on the meat from the dollar store and maybe spare myself the embarrassment of growing wings while out in public (thank you evil government plot to make me into a Pegasus!)   

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Feeling crabby.

This pretty much sums up how I am feeling today, as since it was already written in the stars, I am just going to go with it.  Well, all of it up until the part about 'don't put up unnecessary walls with those you trust'.  Seeing as there are very few people that I trust and I am not in the mood to make new friends or open up to ANYONE at the moment....I am in a full on contractor mode when it comes to walls.  Bring on the building materials.  Or at least a hard hat and tool belt...


By Rick Levine

It's not easy to tell others what you want even if you are in touch with your feelings. You aren't interested now in showing your vulnerability because of how much energy it would then take to protect yourself. You probably have less to defend than you realize, especially if you are among friends. Although there's no need to say too much in public, don't put up unnecessary walls with those you trust.

Monday, October 18, 2010

How the hell did I get such a smart kid? I'm a proud mom!

Paste Eater or Super Hero?

It's that time of year again.  Time for me to take time off of work.  Head out to the suburbs.  Hang out in a hallway sitting on a chair that was made for about half of my actual butt size.  And hope and pray that I get told that my child is right where he needs to be on the learning curve and that he has not caused any undue stress to the teacher (as she looks about 105 and tying her shoe might cause her to stroke out).

Yes--Parent Teacher Conference Night is tonight.  Gee.  Yeah.

Here is the funny part of all of this--yes--it gets better!

I was looking at the PTA notes from a meeting last month and they noted that conferences would be a bit different this year.  Yes, all of what I listed above will be happening, but this year the teachers are to bring up a college plan as well as a possible career choice.  And this is a quote "Even in kids as young as Kindergarten."  WHAT?  ARE YOU KIDDING ME?  Hmmm....lets see, what was I good at in Kindergarten?  Probably not much of anything and nothing that I would have gone to college for.  Ok, maybe if I could major in coloring or paste eating, but really, I can't see that as a life long career.

I am happy that they want kids to start thinking about college.  I am.  Honestly.  But to talk about it now, at 6 and 7 just seems a bit silly.  I am 34 and I still have no idea what I am good at or what I want to be if I ever grow up.  I sure as hell don't see my kids knowing the answer to those questions either.

Ok..I take that back.  If by some chance Cooper's teacher looks at me and says, "We have a way of testing for potential super hero powers and Cooper was off the chart..."  I would full support this path in life...and make sure he had a cape! 
                             ***Cape to be added later, once his teacher and I have a little chat***

Friday, October 15, 2010


On my 4th trip to the Halloween and or party store (don't ask) yesterday I observed an interesting interaction between a dad and his tween daughter.  And when I say interesting, I really mean-thank god that I have boys and never have to deal with this on my own-kinda of interesting.
Anyway--as I have posted already, Halloween is pretty much a time for the male portion of society to be as bloody as they can be while the female portion needs to be as slutty as they can possible be. 

Now, being a female myself (don't be all shocked by that!) and not really a small female at that, I have had to give the issue of the slut-tastic costume some thought from time to time.  Do I go with the super short french maid or something a bit more ass covering?  But as an adult-I feel that I able to make the right choice for me...and how fat I am feeling that particular year.  

So last night while on trip number lost count to the Spirit Halloween shop, I noticed a tween girl and her dad.  The girl was your typical 10-11 year old girl and her dad was the typical divorced, play dad two days a week kind of dad.  Nothing wrong with that-just setting up the scene for all of you that were not there.  The girl is walking around, looking at all the costumes while her dad (bless his heart) is doing his best to still be cool weekend dad, but not totally let his daughter get rapped while out collecting candy.  After much debate and batting of the eyes, they collectively go with some sort of modified french maid thing.  And I say modified as it looked almost like the adult version, but to make it "teen" they added some pink sparkly things to it.  But in the end, it was still  too short.  It was still too tight.  It was still too much for a 10 year my humble not having a daughter thoughts.  My heart really went out to the dad on this one.  I could tell by the look on his face that he really wanted her to be a fully covered clown with clothing to her feet, but he knew he was not going to win that war or any of the wars that would be faught from now until she was off to college. See--poor guy.

My biggest issue with picking out a costume with my kids this year was to go vampire or vampire zombie.   And honestly--thank goodness for that! to run.  My french maid/bar whench/sexy nurse/cop outfits just came in the mail....       

Thursday, October 14, 2010

PSA--For the Dudes...

 "Yeah, but we are just hanging out, right?"


I hate to burst your little bubble, but you do not need to say this to a female when hanging out in a friend type of environment or at the START of a very laid back relationship.  JUST DON'T SAY IT!

I know you all think that you have it ALL figured out and that you run the world and everything, but I am here to tell you that we (chicks) have a pretty good view of what is going on in the world as well.  Ok, well most of us do anyway.  I am sure that the crazy ones wondering around may not see it the same as the rest of us, but you have to trust that there are more normal females (who are capable of rational thought) then nutters.

Again-point being is that you do not need to say this!!!   TRUST me when I tell you that we are 'just hanging out' with you as well but we are smart enough to not say this to you!
*oh...and saying that to a girl is not going to get her to have sex with don't even think it!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010


Hey Hey's party planning time and with that we have the re birth of the party Nazi.  Well, party Nazi lite as I am really not going all out for this party and I am not going to stress if anyone shows up or not.  Hey-if they don't, that is just more Jell-O shots for me! Well...MAYBE that is a small lie as I do care if people show up or not, but I will at least not let it get to me as this is a busy time of year and my announcement of a Halloween party is a bit late.

I wasn't going to have one, but my dear friend Elle has been hounding me to get on the party planning track and since I skipped out on my luau, I felt as if I had to. 

I have never hosted a Halloween party before, and even at party Nazi lite I would like it to be kinda sorta kick what do I need to get this poppin?  Um yeah...I just said that.


Monday, October 4, 2010

My Monday rant...

Girls who act like...well, girls.

Ok.  I know that I am so guilty of this and even more so over the past few months, but for the most part I pride my self on not always acting like a full blown girl.

Here is the situation:
Out with female friend.  Female friend runs into recent hook up.  Hook up is friendly, but not as friend as friend would want him to be.  Hook up goes about his night.  Friend spends night crying on my shoulder. Gee...what fun for me!

So here is the thing.  Friend is all bent as hook up hasn't called her and they haven't hung out since the "incident".
Me-Have you called him?
Friend -No.  I sent a txt.
Me -So you haven't really spoken to him, but you txt?
Friend - Yes
Me - Did he txt you back?
Friend - Yes, but he hasn't asked me to hang out or anything.
Me - Did you guys hang out all the time before?
Friend -  I haven't really known him all that long. But he slept with me, so he should have called!
Me - Crap...please don't cry....again.   - hugs friend- is my thing.  He didn't sleep with her.  She didn't sleep with him.  It takes two.  They slept with each other.  And yes, maybe he could have called by on the same level she could have called him as well.  There is no rule that states the dude must be the one to make the call.
At the time  I did not tell her this, as it was my job to be the shoulder to cry on, but I did have this conversation with her the next day (when booze was not in her system). 

Me - You could have called him.
Friend - Yes, I know.  I guess I should have.
Me - Call him
Friend - Ok. Hanging up now.

Friend -Called. He was waiting for me to call him.  We are going out tonight.
Me - Gee....shocking.

All I am saying is this -- don't always wait for the other person to make the move because maybe they are waiting for you to do the same thing and you never know what you could miss out on if you are both solo checking your cell  to see if anyone called, yet never dialing a number yourself.

But then again...I am tragically single so you may not want to listen to anything that I have to say!