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Monday, January 9, 2012

It's you know where your friends with benefits is?

I do....she is at home, pissed off at you...

This blog posting is from an actual phone call that I was a part of last night.  I told my friend that I was “so putting this in my blog” and he laughed and said he was ok with it…as long as I kept his name out of it.  Well, duh! 
All names have been left out to protect the stupid.
Me – It is 1:30 in the morning, if you are calling me, someone had better be dead.  It’s 4:30 your time..OH GOD…IS SOMEONE DEAD?
Stupid – Shut up.  I know you are up.  You never sleep.  I think I messed things up with a friend of mine and I need your opinion.
Me – Who did you sleep with and why can’t you call me about this at a normal time?
Stupid – How did you know I slept with someone?  But yeah, I think I messed up because now she wont talk to me.
Me – Ok. Hit me.  What did you do?
Stupid -  Well, it’s that friend of mine A___, I have told you about her.  We have been friends for years and sometimes hook up. That was a couple of weeks ago.  I got busy.  Ended up going out of town and have not spoken to her.  I called her this weekend and she was short with me.  I think she is mad.
Me -  UGH.  You woke me up for this?  OK…so, you hooked up with her and then did not talk to her for a couple of weeks?  Do I have the facts straight here?
Stupid – Yes
Me – I love you, but you are a dumb ass.  She’s pissed because you slept with her and did not talk to her for weeks.  How did you graduate college?
Stupid – No. It’s not like that.  We have been hooking up on and off for years. She’s totally cool.
Me – She’s a female, correct?  And you are not filming the sequel to any Justin Timberlake film, correct?
Stupid – Huh?
Me – Oh yeah…all females just love it when you sleep with them and then go MIA for weeks.  THEY LOVE THAT.  Seriously….how stupid are you?
Stupid – So, I should have at least sent a txt, huh?
Me – Gee….ya think?
I have said this before….while I do not think that friends with benefits ever really works out that well, it will not work out at all if you leave the friend part out of it after you hook up.  And I do not care who you are…no one likes to feel used.  So take a second and send a quick text  saying hi…anything!  And for the love of god, do not call me at 1:30 in the morning with your undies in a wad because you think you messed up….this girl needs her sleep!
** know who you are....and I still love you!

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