Smokey and the Snot Bandit.

Let me just start by saying that I am not the type of female that flirts to get what she wants.  I wish that I had this skill and I am in awe of my female friends that can do this and can do it well.  Props to you ladies!  I try and bat my eyelashes and look cute and it ends up looking like I have lost a contact or a neurological defect.  Mmmhmmm…..hot~

So since I am not what you would call a flirter by nature, as you can guess, I am not the type to try and flirt my way out of a ticket.  On the few occasions that I have been pulled over, I am sure that I am going to jail for life….even for a speeding ticket.  I can’t help it.  My mind just jumps about 100 steps ahead and I always assume the worst.  Do most people go to jail for going 65 on the freeway?  I am guessing no, but with my luck, you never know.  That being said, as you can guess, I am not smooth flirty girl in time of traffic cop interaction.  In most cases I am scared to death, face bright red, can’t find my insurance because I am shaking girl.  Oh…lets add the batting of the eyelashes now/possible having a seizer look…think it will work?

Now that you have that mental image going, let me paint the picture of what happened this morning on my way to work….

I am going to start by saying…it was not my best morning.  I got no sleep at all for the second night in a row, so I started off the day on the wrong foot.  I have been super stressed about a bunch of crap going on in my life, feeling lonely, fence blew over last night and just a bunch of basic pity party issues that left me feeling like crap this morning. Add to that some stupid song that came on the radio and…I lost my shit.

Tears. Lots of tears.   And not happy little you just saw a new baby being born and life is sweet tears…OH NO…TEARS.  Face blotchy, nose that could lead Santa’s sleigh, eyes swollen, snot dripping down your nose kind of tears.  The only way to describe me this morning?  HOT MESS….and those words would be kind!

With that pretty mental image of lil old me in your head, now picture what  I would look like with all that AND getting pulled over running a red light (not on purpose….but as I have covered….not my best morning!).  Lets face it….there were meth heads on the corner that looked better than I did at that moment. UGH. Hey officer, how you doing? Sniff. Wipes snot off on coat…

The good part of this story is that the officer was nice enough to not give me a ticket (who says Portland cops only shoot people?)  but I am pretty sure that was only due to the fact that I looked like a pathetic mess.  And the site of my snot was probable grossing him out.  He did make me promise that for the rest of my commute that I would not cry. YES SIR! Sniffle. More snot.

I managed to make it into work this morning without anything else happening….and for keeping my snot output to a minimum.