Let me start by saying that I am not an angry person or vengeful. I try my best to be nice and I honestly feel bad if I hurt someone and I go about fixing whatever it was that I did immediately.
All that being said, I have been giving a lot of thought to revenge over the past few days. Pretty sure it is due to the fact that I was stuck at home in bed sick and watched a marathon of Revenge and the Soprano's...two shows that go great with a cold med high.
After watching Revenge, my main thought was, DANG....that is a whole lot of work! I am not really willing to commit the time that it would take to plan that sorta thing. And honestly, I am just too dang impatient. I get antsy with the amount of time it takes to microwave my hot pocket. Pretty sure a multi-year revenge plan would drive me insane. Oh...and I'm lazy. That girl on that show puts in some work. She has mad ninja skills. No thank you.
I am guessing that my revenge needs would be better suited with a Soprano's, break your knee caps sort of plan. They got shit done and none of them were in really all that great of shape. And it was instant! No years of planning or learning how to be a ninja required. OH....and they got to be vengeful while wearing valour track suits. SIGN ME THE HELL UP!
Ok...I kid. I would never be able to go the horse head in your bed type of revenge either. Knowing me, I would feel guilty for even thinking about it and send flowers. Yeah...I am really not the valour track suited bad ass that my DayQuill alter ego would like you to believe.
Here is the type of revenge that I would think of...(I have been playing around with this one for a while, so some of you might had heard this one already...)
CRAZY CLOWN REVENGE!
List of items that you will need:
4-6 Cars To Go
10-12 friends (depending on how many Cars To Go you get)
Clown costumes
Old doll heads (popping tags at the Goodwill? Pick up a few dolls)
Originally I was thinking Halloween, but this plan could work anytime.
Plan prep:
Set up the Car To Go rental - I actually ran this plan by some Car To Go people, they have assured me that you can, maybe, put 4-5 people in one, but they could not account for the large clown shoes.
Collect the Doll heads- I am guessing that you will have to remove the heads from the bodies. Or maybe you can just buy the heads? I really am not sure on this one, and buying doll heads just seems creepy, so I am going with the full doll action plan.
Dress you and your fellow revenge clowns - We are talking full clown gear. Face painted white, the red nose and the colorful afro clown wig. ALL OF IT!
The plan:
Place the proper amount of clowns into each car. Make sure that each clown has a sack full of doll heads. Drive in a line to the house of the person that you are wanting to feel the wrath of your clown revenge.
*This driving all together part in important. On the way to your destination, play up the full clown thing. Wave to those driving by. Make someone laugh as you are stopped for a red light. Just because the night is built on acts of revenge does not mean that you can't spread joy as well!
Pull up in front of the house of the one who done you wrong. Single file. 4-6 Cars To Go parked on the street in front of the house.
Have all the crazy gang of clowns calmly get out of the cars and walk over to the front lawn of the house and dump the doll heads all over the place.
Calmly get back in the little tiny cars and drive away
I think that this plan would work best if the person was home. Yes, you run the risk of getting caught, but you are in your clown gear, so it would be really hard to identify you! And do you honestly think the person would call the cops?
911: What's you emergency?
Douche bag: Um, 6 clowns just showed up on my lawn and left what appears to be doll heads.
911: Sir, have you been drinking?
As you drive off to spend the night enjoying a nice Shirley temple with your jolly band of clowns, the DB is left to wonder --what the hell just happened?!? And even my personal fave-- what one of the many people that I have screwed over took the time to do this?
Ok, so this may not fall under the true category of revenge. Maybe more of a prank? All I know is, unless I can figure out a way to be a valour track suit wearing ninja, the TV show types of revenge are never going to work out for me and necessity being the mother of invention and all...
No comments:
Post a Comment