That is what happened to me on Sunday.
In the weeks leading up to the show last weekend, I was
scared to death. Not only had I not been
on a stage since June, but I was debuting two new acts. So the potential for EPIC FAIL was high. Add to that the fact that I have been pretty
depressed, so I have been eating poorly and being lazy…so my body was not
really in prime sexy shape. And as
always, that little issue of stage fright….so yeah, I was a wreck anytime I
would think about the upcoming show.
Pasties were rhinestoned.
Jameson bottles were spray glittered.
Acts had been practiced around my house.
The fight with the false eyelashes had been won (somewhat).
It was time!
I got to the venue early (as I do) and was killing some
time at the bar waiting on my Redbull when I noticed people coming in. People that I knew. Non burly people. People who were there….to see me!
Now, I am not sure how other people who are performers deal with
the audience or if they want people they know there or not, but for me…I LOVE
IT! If I am going to do something, even
if it is something that could require me making a fool of myself, I always do a
better job at it if ‘my people’ are there to see me do it….and to potentially tease
me for it when I am done. So…I said hello
to the people that had showed up early and went down to the basement to finish
getting ready.
SHOW TIME!
As I was standing in the back of the venue, watching the
first performer, I started to look around the room. The place was packed…and more of my friends
had made it down. Looking at everyone,
in that moment, my nerves were gone. Why?
Because my friends were there.
These people had left the comfort of their warm house on a
Sunday evening, braved the rain, traveled downtown, paid the cover at the door,
got a drink….and settled in to see a show…all because I had asked them to. In support of me, and knowing how important
this night was for me….they were there.
I also knew that half of these people have seen me make a
fool out of myself a million times before, so doing it on stage was not going
to be an issue!
My first act was not perfect…I know this. I know that I need to hit some marks a bit
better and use the stage more, but for the most part, I think that it was
pretty good. I do wish I would have
thought ahead to plant a camera in the audience with a friend so that it could
have been taped, so that I could really see what I looked like, but oh well! I had fun with it…and I like how that felt.
I don’t know if it was the vibe of the night or the fact that
I was wearing flannel jammies during the intermission of the show, but something
else hit me….if I am going to do this burlesque thing ever again…I am going to
stay true to myself and be goofy and funny and not try to be the classic sexy
type of performer. That is just not me
and I think that I was thinking that I needed to play up this sexy side on stage…and
that was stressing me out!
So when my turn to get up on stage came around again, this
time, there was no fear, nerves or stage fright. Again, was it perfect…no. Far from it!
I still have many more stages to get on and strut around before I will
be any good at this….but the act was fun.
I had fun. The audience had
fun. And when I left the stage, with
pretty much nothing more than pasties and my Jameson bottle, I was not
shaking. I did not feel like I wanted to
barf. I had a smile on my face and for
the first time in a long time…..I was proud of myself. Truly and honestly proud of something that I
had created. That is a great feeling.
Thank you to everyone that came out Sunday night. Just by you being there, you gave me the
courage and the strength to get up on that stage and have fun and I owe you
more then I could ever put into words on this blog.
And to the other performers who I had the honor to be on
stage with, you continue to inspire me and welcome me. You are truly turning
into my burly family.
Oh…and Zora. It was
your voice in my head telling me I could do it as I sat gluing rhinestones night
after night. And your hugs I felt when I
got frustrated working out the routine and tripping over my own two clumsy
feet. You continue to push me. You constantly encourage me. And above all else, have faith in me when I
have none in myself. How do I ever thank
you for that???
Oh….and sorry for the
heckler!
