In your eyes....

Things that I always seem to think about after watching Say Anything...

Kickboxing...sport of the future
If someone were to stand outside of a girls window and blast music today in 2011, would they get the cops called on them?
I think the awkward first kiss is sweet.
That movie could never be made today or maybe it could, but she would never give him a pen today...she would send him a txt or a tweet and that really just does not work. (I gave her my heart and she gave me a....txt??)
Lloyd Dobler is...dare I say it...the nice guy.
Why is being a nice guy a bad thing? 
Are there still nice guys out in the world or have we made them go into some strange romantic witness protection program?

I sure hope that last one is not true.  That would really suck to only be able to read about "the nice guy" in a book or in the zoo.

I also think that I should avoid Say Anything when I am home alone and feeling mushy.
I might need an intervention soon....or hide all of my 1980 romantic comedies.
Mushy romantic Tamara.....never a good thing.
Maybe tomorrow I should take on the Saw movies???? :)

Yeah....it's been a long week...

Come on ride the train...Day One

Since I will be on the MAX for the next few weeks, I thought that I would blog about it.  Mostly because my life has been really boring over the past few months and I have nothing to blog about and because weird crap seems to happen to me.  And if something weird is going to happen…I am sure that it will happen while huddled with the masses on public transit.

The only thing that I have from last night was a guy I have named, Mr. No Smile.

I caught Mr. NS starring at me multiple times.  Like every time that I looked up from my phone, Mr. SM was looking my way, and would look away all quick and fidget with his bag.  And let me say that I do not think that he was looking at me as I was looking all cute or anything (I was not) but it was more that I was in his direct line of site.  The guy had no choice.

The guy was not creepy.  He looked like your average computer programmer on his way home to the burbs…but….it always freaks me out when you catch someone looking at you and they don’t even so much as smile.  We have all done it and been caught at it, but I try and at least look friendly when I am on the hook for looking at someone.

A quick smile would have done wonders in changing my thoughts on Mr. NS.

And not a smile that says, “Heeeeyyyyyy…..how YOU doing?  Mind if I sit here and ask you for your phone number and make you want to get off at the next stop, even though you are nowhere close to home?”  No…not THAT kind of a smile, but at least a quick little twitch of a facial expression that lets me know that you are not looking at me and trying to figure out how you can dismember my body so that it all fits in the fridge in your moms basement. 

So, day one was not all that much of an adventure…we shall see what day two has to offer.  And if I happen to run into Mr. NS….I am going to give him a big ol goofy grin….and let’s hope that his moms freezer is all full for the winter!

I've seen your picture...your name in lights above it...

Overcoming fear is a crazy thing and powerful thing.  It's almost like a drug in the way it can get into your head and almost change the chemical make up of your brain. And I wont lie, when you have dome something that scares the crap out of you...it's a rush.  I can see why people get hooked on adventure sports and things like that...I never would do anything like that, but I get the feeling behind it.

Something that I did not think about was how overcoming your fear can change peoples perseption of you.  I still see myself as this mousy little person who is still afraid of so many things in the world that I am shocked I leave my house everyday.  But others seem to have this idea that I can do anything and am brave-their words, not mine!

It's funny to me how many times a week I have the conversation with someone, "So, you will do ABC....but not XYZ???"   Um...YES!  Don't get me wrong....I am proud of the fact that I took on my stage fright and did by best to kick it's ass while wearing hardly any clothes, but when it comes down to it, I am still pretty much a wussy. And simple things still make me want to vomit.

Like getting photos taken.  Dude...what burlesque performer does not like to be in front of the camera?  Um...this one.  I have put it off...forever.  Being in front of just one person and their camera just seems so...invasive.  And what if I look silly?  Or fat? Or you can totally see that one eye is larger then the other???????  AHHHHHHH....the pressure is just too much!

But...I have this Groupon that I need to use soon, so I went in and spoke to someone about getting some photos done.  Just one shot.  Just one set of clothes.....nothing wild.  Fully covered.  45 min.  In and out and done.   But even just writting that...I kind of want to get sick a little, but I am looking forward to it.

I met with Mike, the photographer from http://portlandpinups.com/ last night and he seems like a wonderful fellow and put me at ease....even if he did tell me that I was one of the weirdest girls that he has ever met.  Guess people find it odd that random cheesy Tamara is involved in burlesque and roller derby (he found it even more weird that I don't skate, just help out...guess he wants to take a photo of me with a black eye???).

So, sometime in November I am going to do my best to overcome yet another one of my many fears and try and look good in front of a camera.  Maybe if I post of shot of me looking horrified and puking in my purse people will stop thinking that I am so fearless????