It's true. I almost died last night. And while I would love to tell you that I almost met my end by doing something great, like saving a kitten from a tree. It would just not be true. The sad truth is, I almost died last night while trying out a new workout DVD.
SO VERY SAD. I AM SO VERY OUT OF SHAPE!
The night started off with a bang. I had fed the lil ones, the dogs, made lunches for the following day, started laundry and vacuumed. I was feeling all full of SHE-RAness and I thought that last night would be a great time to try out the new Jillian Micheal's workout DVD that had been mocking me for the past month. I should have known by the few times that I had seen The Biggest Looser that the night would end in tears, and a possible request to call 911.
And here is just a little side tip, before I go into the story of death-If you look at a workout DVD and on the back cover all of the girls are super workout goddess...DON'T BUY IT! Put it down as if it bit you and walk on. Keep looking until you find the DVD that has some more mortal chicks on the back cover. Because trust me when I tell you, those gals would not last the whole DVD that you just put back, those gals are like you and me...wanting death to the girls on the back of the first DVD. Try it out for yourself...or just trust me on this one. Either way, I tried to help!
Ok...so back to Faces of Death. I started out doing the warm up thinking, "Hey...40 minutes? That's nothing. I can do this." Fast forward to about 12 minutes into the stupid thing and I wanted to die. I was sweaty, out of breath, body parts hurt and after seeing myself in the mirror...looked like a cow.
As if all of that was not bad enough,my kids were in the room with me. I am sure if they would have known, they would have been secretly recording the whole thing as to have it posted on YouTube later. I will make sure to pat them down for recording devices...should there be a next time I work out. Changes of that are slim, but you never know.
I was sweating and trying not to curse like an Osborne and trying to do my best to not throw out a hip, when my little guys says to me "Mom, you sound like you are struggling. Do you need me to call 911?" I would have smacked him at that point, but my body was using all the energy I had to just keep standing up. I made a mental note to hate him for the rest of his life.
I moved on to the floor work. Great. I thought that here I could get a little rest. NOPE. I guess she is some sort of freak show that does not believe in rest and makes you work the whole time. UGH.
At this same moment, my other son, who was on the couch reading, looks up from his book to make the statement, "That looks like it hurts. And it looks like it sucks"
Gee...thanks MENSA. Again, mental note made to take him off of the Christmas list.
I tried my best to keep up with the whole DVD. ALL hellish 40 min of it, but in the end...I gave up. That crap was hard! And I am fat!
At the end of the night my oldest said to me, "You should take it back to the store." No...that would be too easy for that little round disk. I looked at my son and said, "Oh no...we are burning itno one else will ever have to buy it and almost die!" Well, he thought that was just too funny and laughed with all the joy that a 7 year old can laugh with.
I am burning it when I get home tonight!