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Friday, February 19, 2010

Evil mower from hell...we meet again

We have sun! We have sun! We have sun! We have sun! We have sun! We have sun! We have sun!

Ok…sorry for that, but I live in Oregon. Home of the dark grey skies and rain from around September until June. So when we have a few days of sun and on a Friday leading up to a weekend, it is pretty big news around here. Trust me. I have been giving a lot of thought as to what to do to enjoy this little blast of greatness before the rain comes back-because it will. And out of all the super awesome things that I could be doing…I am going to be doing yard work. Sigh.
I know that for some people, yard work is something that brings them great enjoyment and peace. I see my little old neighbor lady outside in her garden with a look of zen on her face. She sings a little song while trimming her roses and tiny little blue birds sit on her shoulder and keep her company while she works. Ok, maybe not the birds. I could have made that part up. Maybe. Anyway, birds or no birds, her yard is filled with comfort and peace.
Walk three houses down to my house and the calmness that you felt three houses up the street quickly turns into anxiety and curse words. That would be me doing the cursing! Not sure what my deal is, but you get my in the front yard, with the evil lawn mower from hell and I turn into the long lost Osborne sister that they never showed on the TV show. It’s bad. I know it is. I can just feel the neighbors eyes on me (they don’t like me anyhow) and I just know that it won’t end well. But, after saying all that…I must add that it is not my fault. Look a few lines up..see…right there where I mention the “evil lawn mower from hell”? I put all the blame on it. It hates me (more than the neighbors) I am sure of it. For one…it NEVER starts. NEVER! I can’t tell you how many times I have nearly thrown my back out, worked up a sweat, cried and cursed only to have to it sit there, unstaring and mocking me. GRRRR. Most of the time I end up giving up and just putting the stupid thing away. I am almost 100% sure that the mower has something going on with the edger as well, but as I can feel my anger rising towards these two inanimate objects, I will not go into that one now.
Also adding to the hatred of the yard work is the fact that I am really no good at it. I can spend all day out in the yard clipping, mowing and pruning and it still always looks like I just park an old Nova in the middle of the yard on blocks. And trust me, I would, if only to piss the people in the hood off, but the home owner association nazi’s are a pain in the butt and they are still mad at me for not putting my yard debris container away within the 35 seconds after the trash man came to get it, so I just rather not mess with them and a nova at this point. Maybe next summer…

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