As I drove into work this morning (and as I write this now) I was overcome with such emotion from that last night, that all I could do/can do was/is cry.
I have to start with thanking all my friends that made it out to the show last night.
I am still in shock that so many of my friends were there. I know it sounds silly, but I was worried that I would not have anyone there to cheer me on. To see so many friends there, with such encouraging words really meant the world to me and I can't thank you all enough. It really does bring me to tears now just thinking about it.
Thank you!
The show...OH.MY.GOD!
I was scared all day. To the point where all I could do was grin (it's an odd reaction I have to sheer terror).
I wanted to vomit.
I wanted to cry.
I wanted to get it over with.
All that went away when I walked into the ballroom. At that moment, when I walked through the doors, it all felt...good. Even though we got the news that we were on the 'big' stage and really had not practiced for that, it was not all that big of a deal.
As it got closer to the show, the nerves came back.
As I was on deck waiting to go on, I was a sweaty mess.
The music from the act before me ended. Zora made her way on stage...my name was called.
If the music had been turned down just a bit, I am sure that everyone in that room would have been able to hear my heart beating.
My legs were wobbly and all I could think was "Please don't trip and dear god, please don't let my pasties fall off!"
And then the strangest thing happened...I became Grace Fall. Or really, much like a person with multiple personalities, she became me. Tamara, who is always filled with so much doubt and fear was gone, and Grace took over. And for 4min and 33 seconds, she owned that stage.
I can't really say if the performance was any good or not. For all I know I looked like a hot mess up there shaking my ass, but that does not matter.
All that matters is that I did it.
Did I cure cancer? No.
But I did do something that I was terrified to do and for the first time in a long time, I am proud of myself....and Grace.<3
Reading this almost makes me want to cry too. You were absolutely amazing! And you are absolutely right, she/YOU! owned that stage. I couldn't help but laugh (see your grin of terror and raise you a laugh of sheer pride) seeing how much of your own personality and humor was in your routine. Even worked in the flask of truth and justice. Would have been proud of/for you no matter what...but damn did you kill it! Do not EVER say you're not creative, or that you don't know how to bring the sexy, because you nailed both.
ReplyDeleteApparently Grace, HotTotti, Baconaisse Girl and all the facets of you that add up to one truly remarkable woman means you are capable of and ARE much more than you've given yourself credit for :)
Your admiring fan,
Person (not so) A
I guess it's hard to not have a little bit of me in my act. I was trying to go for some dark version of sexy, but I guess in the end, the goof ball still came out!
ReplyDeleteI don't see the two as being mutually exclusive. Dark and sexy can still have a sense of humor, and one makes the other more flirtatious, which seems to fit right in what what I've always thought of burlesque as being. To me it was a very creative way to blend the two, with the humor being much more seductive than goof ball...flirtation with an edge, and you struck a perfect balance between the two. I'm not an expert on you, but it seemed like a part of you that I've always thought was there, but with an extra kick of confidence that makes all the difference between coming of as goofball, or a perfect blend of sexy and sass. Seriously, you were amazing!
ReplyDeleteYou were *fantastic* and I'm incredibly proud of you... and I'd love to see you use this art form to learn, express yourself and find out wonderful things about yourself you didn't know you could say/do/think... Zora constantly teaches me new things ♥
ReplyDeleteThank you Zora!
ReplyDeleteI have an odd feeling that Grace might not be 100% gone from my life ;)